Hi Reader,

There's a question that keeps coming up, again and again, in my conversations - with my mom, with women who have built successful businesses, and with those who are struggling with health and work:

What am I holding on to, and what am I ready to let go of?

Sometimes it comes from being pushed out of your comfort zone: A career that's shifting or ending. Becoming an empty nester.

Here's the thing: If you're like me, mid-life, mid-career, you've done a lot of living. You have raised kids, held marriages together, kept households running, built careers, survived heartbreak, made sacrifices...

...and somewhere along the way, your own desires and needs probably got shelved. Not because you didn't have them, but because everything else got in the way.

So when you're ready to honestly ask yourself these questions, you can come up with a blank page. Sometimes, the answers to those questions rises more intuitively from an experience of being in a very different place: an extended period in nature, traveling to a very foreign country.

What I'm letting go and leaning in to

I'd like to share some of what that is for me right now. Perhaps you'll relate. Or maybe it'll nudge you to be a bit more intentional in your own life or work, to reimagine what exactly flourishing means for you right now.

One thing I'm learning letting go: I want to figure it all out on my own.

Ingenuity and independence are values I hold dear, but living and traveling abroad have reminded me again and again that they not universal "human" values - they are deeply cultural, personal.

I'm great at giving help, sure (especially as a woman, a coach, a mother, a consultant), but receiving it is another thing. If you ask me, it's due for some reimagining, especially for those of us who identify as the strong, smart ones who can figure sh*t out and are doing just fine, thank you very much. (Is it you, too?)

okay, this one is still a work-in-progress, but my recent travels gave me a renewed felt sense for what the opposite feels like: receiving help, not just trying to figure everything out alone. Even receiving my own self-compassion and patience when things don't go to plan.

One thing I'm choosing to hold on to: Slowing down.

Since getting home, my body has been sending me a very clear message: slow the F down. 😂 I have a deep, chesty cough (and I never get sick), and am asleep by 8:30pm. I keep noticing (and trying to tamp down) the work pressure I'm putting on myself to go faster. I blame our tech-and-growth-obsessed culture, but with awareness, I can get a handhold on the hidden choice to adopt it, or reject it.

I'll admit, neither of these feels easy. Neither is a "quick win" - but if you ask me, a true "wild" insight never is. It takes intentionality to bring into your life. That's the real work.

A sense of aliveness

When I gathered with the group this week to talk about what new perspectives the women gained that they wanted to carry into daily life, they described reconnecting with a sense of aliveness they'd lost touch with: re-sparking play, wonder and fun; treasuring real connection with other women; and realizing how much stronger they feel when they move their bodies (and drink electrolytes — ha!).

It wasn't really about the mountains, the lake, the monkeys or the training, in the end. Those were the triggers. But really, it was about asking: What do we see from a new angle? And how do we weave that into daily life - and not let it fall off our radar again (the easy thing to do!!)?

No one wants to go back to postponing what makes them feel fully alive. So we challenged ourselves: what's just one small thing that's needed next?

Here's the truth: you're not flaky if your dreams have changed. You're not "too old" to reinvent yourself. And making space for yourself does NOT have to mean disappointing others.

What you model as a mother, boss, doctor or sister shows the people around you what it looks like to live fully.

That includes slowing down, making time for things that are pure play, and yes, letting go of your fierce do-it-yourself individualism, or thinking you can find a sense of purpose just from giving help, but not receiving it from others.

You don't need to go it alone

Letting go of old patterns and roles, especially the ones that got you where you are, is HARD. And uncomfortable.

And it's not always obvious what you DO want, especially after years of helping everyone else thrive. It takes stepping back and slowing down, which is hard to do in the day-to-day.

We've created a world where everyone is so damn afraid of being unsafe that we've forgotten how to play, love, and genuinely connect with each other and the natural world. The world is messy, unpredictable, and ultimately, uncontrollable. So why are we clinging so hard to control, predict, and clean it up?

What could be possible if we embraced the unknown with fierce love, compassion and courage instead?

What to take away

If any of this resonates, here's what I'll leave you with: this isn't a "midlife crisis". You haven't "peaked". It's an opportunity to take a breath and start the process of asking yourself, "What if..."

If something inside you is tugging at your sleeve saying, "this isn't quite it...," don't shush it, shame it or ignore it. LISTEN.

Reimagining what you want NOT have to mean disappointing others to make space for yourself. What you model and prioritize as a mother, boss, sister, doctor, friend, spouse- has a powerful ripple effect on those around you.

You inspire others, and teach — through actions, not words, — what it means to embrace life fully. Which is where you unlock more love, kindness, courage, creativity and connection – and help others unlock theirs, too.

Because nothing will age you faster than pretending you're fine when you're not. And nothing will light you up more than finally honoring and embodying what matters most to you.

By the way, the answer is not running away "coming back a Buddha and quitting my job," which, as one woman laughed, is what her friends expected.

It's having a FELT sense of something that was just an abstract concept before: aliveness, presence, joy, wonder -— and figuring out a realistic way to build that in, given your current life circumstances.

What I want for you, is not just to read this and get a hit of recognition, but to have a deep, renewed, felt sense of your OWN insights.

Because the feeling is different. 💞

Warmly,

Allie

P.S. If you're interested in exploring this, I'm hosting a workshop on November 20th, where I'll share a framework for flourishing that you can take home. You'll also get to hear from a few of the women who came with me to Nepal what their experience was actually like. Sign up here. ​

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